Warlords of Draenor: Not This Time, Blizzard!
It's rough for a retired World of Warcraft player to watch BlizzCon nowadays, especially when the new expansion, Warlords of Draenor, is announced.
I've done my time in Azeroth. It all began back in Vanilla, and I went along for the ride all the way through Cataclysm before I finally stumbled home, bloodshot and bleary-eyed. I resisted the urge to go back when Mists of Pandaria came out, and I was proud of myself for my impeccable self-control, but then those bastard Blizzard developers reached out and got me right by the short and curlies with the colon blow of information concerning Warlords of Draenor.
I know I'm not going back; I simply don't have the time to devote to Warlords of Draenor like I did in the past. It's sorely tempting, though. Re-introducing Draenor as it stood prior to its destruction and offering it up for adventures and exploration is like waving a cheesecake under the nose of a lactose-intolerant diabetic: you know that if you have even a taste you'll end up eating the whole goddamn thing, even though it'll wreck you.
You Clever Bastards
The problem is that there's so much in Warlords of Draenor that looks genuinely fun. Independent of the Draenor redesign, there's the new, updated player character models, the free level 90 character of your choice, and the user interface changes that streamline your inventory space. The biggest draw for me is definitely the new garrison mechanic - Blizzard's take on player housing that grants you the ability to more or less create your own little compound out there in Draenor complete with NPCs that you can send out on adventures while you sit back and just rake in the rewards once they return. It's dirty, it's insidious, and it's pulling on that bit of my soul that I left in Azeroth all those years ago.
Warlords of Draenor: Too Rich For My Blood
Of course, I know that I'm not going back to WoW once Warlords of Draenor goes live. I'm not spending $15 a month on a glorified theme park, no matter how fun it might be, and I'm certainly not letting myself slip back into that same old pattern of questing-leveling-dungeon running-raiding-raiding-raiding-raiding-until your eyes bleed.
I've done my time. My guild running and raid leading days are over, period. This main tank has hung up his shield; he took his pocket healer, married her, started a family, and moved on. There's nothing left for me in Azeroth, Draenor, or any world that those crafty Blizzard developers can think up.
Hmm, then again, that new female gnome model is awfully cute...